The ridiculous movie David Lee Roth pitched Bill Hader: “He did not disappoint at all”
“In the name of the moon, I shall right wrongs and defeat all evil”. Interestingly, this isn’t the mantra I use every morning when I haul myself out of bed, eager to take on the day and vanquish my enemies.
Instead, it is the solitary line of dialogue spoken by David Lee Roth in Tokyo Story, a five-minute short film posted to his YouTube channel in 2013.
This short is the sum total of the eccentric Van Halen frontman’s attempts at acting, and as far as vanity projects driven by the ego of rich and famous rock stars go, it certainly ain’t the worst, if only for its merciful brevity.
Over the years, ‘Diamond Dave’ has always been one of rock’s most colourful, flamboyant frontmen, and his insanely charismatic personality was like a supernova while leaping around on stage and playing to the camera in Van Halen’s music videos. However, unlike many musicians who reach a certain level of fame, Roth never transitioned into acting, although according to Bill Hader, it wasn’t for a lack of trying.
This unusual meeting of minds between a legendary cock rocker and a nerdy Saturday Night Live star turned comedy icon took place in a pretty darn unusual place: the South Park writers’ room. Hader voiced several characters over the years in Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s vicious animated classic, and in 2008 also acted as a creative consultant. He then returned to be one of the show’s scribes on a full-time basis for its 17th season, and this is when he encountered Roth, who visited the show’s offices, seemingly to pitch a movie.
Perhaps Roth wanted Parker and Stone to help him write the script for this epic film, but whatever the case, as soon as he let everyone in on his big idea, the room fell deathly silent. “When I worked at South Park, he pitched a movie to us where he was an assassin,” Hader chuckled while chatting with his buddy Conan O’Brien on his Needs a Friend podcast.
Launching into a pitch-perfect Roth impression, Hader exclaimed, “It’s about a guy trying to get his dog back!” Not wanting to string the ‘Jump’ icon along, Hader and the rest of the staff broke some bad news: “Yeah, they made this movie John Wick that’s kinda similar”.
Astonishingly, Hader claimed Roth had never heard of John Wick, so he scoffed, “Nah, but the guy has a dog? Whaddaya mean he has a dog?!” In his defence, back then, only the first instalment had been released, so perhaps Roth simply hadn’t yet gotten caught up in the Wick hoopla that would ensue in the coming years.
Still, hearing that there was already a successful movie about an assassin whose beloved dog was killed must have rained on his parade pretty hard, even though his concept was about rescuing said assassin’s pooch. It’s also unclear if Roth intended this movie to be an extension of Tokyo Story, although it stands to reason, he did play an assassin in that short, after all.
Either way, Hader remembered his bizarre encounter with Roth fondly, even if the guy clearly had his head in the sand when it came to movie culture. “We were totally in awe,” he grinned, “‘Oh my god, that’s fucking David Lee Roth’. And he did not disappoint at all”. Just don’t ask Roth to consider making a movie featuring his estranged bandmates. When Hader floated that idea, the customarily jovial star shook his head dismissively, saying, “Nah, I don’t want those guys involved”.
