The perfect album for every Oscars 2023 ‘Best Picture’ nominee
The Oscars 2023 are almost upon us. All the Aftersun snubs have been appraised, and the surprise Andrea Riseborough inclusions have been questioned. Now, as the dust settles on the nominees, all their outfits have been tailored, and the virtuous speeches of the various hopefuls have been written, it’s time to dig deep into the merits of the ‘Best Picture’ nods. Alas, they would all do well to note that all awards are largely arbitrary which is why we’re delving into an irreverent feature for the fun of it.
Music and movies go hand in hand. “One of the things I do when I am starting a movie, when I’m writing a movie, or when I have an idea for a film,” Quentin Tarantino writes for the liner notes of his soundtrack compilation, “Is I go through my record collection and just start playing songs, trying to find the personality of the movie, find the spirit of the movie. Then, ‘boom,’ eventually I’ll hit one, two or three songs, or one song in particular, ‘Oh, this will be a great opening credit song.’”
However, this marriage isn’t just tied to a song that fits a scene. Sometimes, you can make leaps between films and compatible records. Just as a bottle of wine can be best glugged with a particular meal, metaphysical links can be made between music and movies that walk a similar line.
Thus, below we have pondered the tragicomedy of The Banshees of Inisherin and found a folk offering to match and mused over the madness of Top Gun: Maverick and come up with a suitably exhilarating partner. Along the way, we’ve actually learnt more about the movies than we first watched them, so I guess this task wasn’t so irreverent after all.
A compatible album for every Oscars 2023 ‘Best Picture’ nominee:
All Quiet on the Western Front – Paranoid: Remastered (Black Sabbath)
Brooding, scary, anti-war and remastered because it’s already been done before. Don’t be fooled by Ozzy Osbourne’s subsequent antics; Black Sabbath were a band cognisant of the times and what their dark music said about them. A touch of that relevance might have been lost when Paranoid was remastered in 2012, but the tunes were certainly polished up in a studio sense.
The same can be said for All Quiet on the Western Front. Quite why this classic film was remade is not all that clear, given that the original still held up, but you can’t knock the finished product—it’s still as gut-punching and gripping as ever.
Avatar: The Way of Water – Adventures Beyond the Ultraworld (The Orb)
A pointless album for a pointless film, both cooked up turgidly to serve as an exhibition of technology that ultimately waterboards you with impressive tech until the point you pass out. Both may be ingenious and emotive in their own way, but you could say the same about watching Albert Einstein masturbate, and I wouldn’t want to sit through that, either.
Somehow, James Cameron’s Avatar sequel once again made silly money at the box office, a baffling feat that takes the term ‘the silent majority’ to new heights. Album and film alike beg one pertinent question: Who is this for? Apparently, a lot of people, I’ve just never met anyone of them—they’re probably at home bird-watching on a VR headset.
The Banshees of Inisherin – Verities & Balderdash (Harry Chapin)
The masterful Martin McDonagh’s latest effort is a brilliant allegory for the Irish Civil War and while that might not sound comic, it uncovers the highest purpose of art: there is a great deal of humour in tragedy. Harry Chapin’s album presents something similar, and he also almost allegorically shows how dynamics perpetuate themselves, whether that be the divisions of Ireland in McDonagh’s case or Chapin’s look at the modern family structure.
The finest case in point for the tragicomic link between the film and the album comes from one song depicting its own historic event. In 1965 on Moosic Street in Scranton, Pennsylvania, a tractor carrying 15 tons of bananas lost control while skidding downhill, ploughing through cars, telephone poles, and houses (somehow). Ultimately this skid sadly killed the poor driver, who was no doubt referred to as a ‘local man’ in the papers. Chapin regales this tale in his song ’30,000 Pounds of Bananas’, and like the film (easily the best of this year’s nominees) it is both laugh out loud and a sorry depiction of the human disposition.
Elvis – Elvis 30 #1 Hits (Elvis)
It had to be a greatest hits album because the film glosses over all the missteps, and it had to be this revamped version because of all the gaudy production madness. What you’re left with is a fake Elvis story that is fun but devoid of any subtlety, class, and runs overly long.
As ever with ‘The King’, it’s hard to begrudge, but the film is lacking all the interesting deep cuts. Surely it would’ve been more illuminating to throw in absurdist facts like Elvis wanting to become a spy to help deport John Lennon rather than hinging things on Col. Tom Parker running into visa trouble while Tom Hanks played him with the most obviously foreign accent throughout.
Everything Everywhere All at Once – ‘The Boy Who Can Play ‘The White Album’ in One Second’ (YouTube)
At first, you’ll be impressed, and then you’ll be irritated. Then who knows, maybe you’ll be impressed again. But slowly, the annoyance will overwhelm any curiosity or enthrallment and leave you pissed off in an almost-meta sense as you rage, ‘I can’t believe there are all these bros out there who think this is funny and smart’.
Alas, at least it made you feel something. And as the rage subsides you can at least concede that there are some people out there who will have gotten a real kick out of this harmless fun. Finally, you simply pray that you never meet them. (NB this YouTube video possibly doesn’t exist, so I’ve added the manic but actually very enjoyable album Return to Cookie Mountain below; not to be tarred with the butt-plug giggling brush as this damn film).
The Fabelmans – Abbey Road (The Beatles)
The album accompaniment for this film was initially pencilled in as some musical equivalent of masturbation followed by a pat on the back… but then I got around to watching it, and I’ll be damned if that bastard Mr Speilberg hasn’t done it again. It is, in short, the equivalent of a toe-tapping big pop anthem from one of the best in showbiz.
However, it’s not his best either and you’d be hard-pushed to say that he’s pushing any boundaries or reinventing the wheel at this stage, but the storytelling director certainly has his craft down to a fine art. With that in mind, The Beatles falling back on their safe laurels and offering up belting choruses and an air of triumph despite the bittersweet end seems like a solid fit.
Tár – Third (Portishead)
Tár is the hardest film on this list to pair, not least because I’m still unsure whether I even enjoyed it. It is surely a triumphant feat that I’m still thinking about it, but that point is hamstrung by the reality that I will also never rewatch it… unless I’m after fashion tips from Cate Blanchett’s fantastic wardrobe throughout.
It’s convoluted but beguiling, dry and dreadfully middle-class but also strangely gripping and universally thought-provoking, it captures the times but fails to grasp the zeitgeist, and so on and so on. So, simply because it’s stylish and engaging, but ultimately puzzling, we’ve gone with Portishead’s Third.
Top Gun: Maverick – Back in Black (AC/DC)
Just as the final song of Back in Black screeches home, “Rock ‘n’ roll ain’t no riddle man.” Neither is making an entertaining film. Get some power chords on the go, a pumped-up tiny Tom Cruise, a solid dose of fist-pumping, an ending that would make Sir Douglas Bader get up and cheer, and toss in an upswell of national pride, and you’ve got yourself some faultless thrills.
These paired works might not be for everyone, and they aren’t necessarily boundary breakers, but they rock out for the fun of it and leave you with a smile. On both counts, academics might be able to pick out troublesome unconscious undertones. Still, there is, occasionally, something unimpeachable about ignorance. Fortunately, for the most part, these uphold the harmless fun side of blissful inanity, and we get to bask in the blistering beauty of it.
Triangle of Sadness – American Idiot (Green Day)
Rich bastards are ruining the world, and neither Green Day nor Triangle of Sadness are worried about dragging that point out for any longer than is needed. In the process, they beg the same question: which political discourse will reach the most people, the simple point that is sugar-coated with cheap thrills or the long-drawn and convoluted argument presented with pretence?
Both film and album go with the former, and the result is hard to argue with—they have made socialism fun. As the film’s synopsis states: “Social hierarchy is turned upside down, revealing the tawdry relationship between power and beauty.” It’s quite a feat to get a few belly laughs out of that, even if a sense of ‘beauty’ in the art itself is largely abandoned.
Women Talking – Atom Mother Heart (Pink Floyd)
A serious album for a serious film, both of which are great if you’re suffering from sleep deprivation. Never has such respectable craft and artistry seemed more like an exercise in irritating an audience and aiming for a free pass on that front by being important.
There is great pedigree involved in these projects, but I’ll be damned if you can say that you found them stimulating in any substantial way. On both counts, a revered ensemble of performers come together to dazzle with some of the bleakest styles outside of Amish outfitters. Then they proceed to offer substance that you can barely get yourself to take note of.
