“Shit all over”: The bizarre night Cary Grant went to an Alice Cooper concert
As one of the most handsome men to have ever graced the silver screen, Cary Grant is often remembered as a sophisticated gentleman, a perception that was often aided by the types of characters he would portray throughout most of his career. The North By Northwest actor was a heartthrob throughout his career, and his affable nature and smooth tongue contributed to a large part of his appeal. However, there was plenty more to Grant than would meet the eye.
Born Archibald Leach in 1904 into an impoverished family in the Bristol neighbourhood of Horfield, Grant’s early life was characterised by tragedy and misery. His brother died from tubercular meningitis shortly before he turned one year old, and at the age of nine, he was told that his mother had also died when, in actual fact, she had been placed in a mental institution by his alcoholic father – something that Grant himself did not learn until many years later. Acting would become his escape from his troubled home life, and after joining the Pender Troupe for a tour of the US at the age of 16, he eventually chose to relocate to New York on a permanent basis.
But aside from his humble upbringing, there’s not a huge amount else to know about him aside from his esteemed Hollywood career, is there? Surely there are no juicy stories of rock concerts, hard drugs and pant-messing, right?
Think again – Grant’s adult life was also a curiosity, with several of his peers having unusual stories to tell about his antics. The actor was notoriously stingy with money, reportedly never used to buy people Christmas presents, and once argued with a hotel manager over a discrepancy between the plural ‘muffins’ he ordered and the ‘muffin and a half’ that he received.
However, these are far from the most batshit tales of Grant’s life outside of film, and there’s one particular story about his time attending an Alice Cooper concert in disguise that is deserving of a sit around the fireside for a quick retelling.
During a period in the ‘70s, while he was dating photojournalist Maureen Donaldson, he was pressured into attending a show with his partner, a friend of the musician, and his young daughter Jennifer, who was a fan of Cooper. While he was initially reluctant to watch the ‘Godfather of Shock Rock’, having described him as “just a homely man once you scratch off all that hideous makeup,” Grant obliged once coming to some compromises with Donaldson, agreeing that he would go if placed in a disguise.
So, what did the then 60+-year-old Grant wear to the Alice Cooper gig? According to Donaldson, he donned the attire of a music industry sleazeball, wrapping sunglasses around his eyes, sporting a gold chain necklace, alongside a chequered jacket and sharkskin leggings. This alone is quite the image to conjure up, with Grant always being a sharply dressed suit-wearer in virtually all of his public appearances, so to think of him even shedding fine tailoring for a hideously gaudy rock and roll outfit is already funny.
Things only get wilder from here on out, though. You must be wondering what Grant made of the show, and according to Donaldson, “Cary did his best”. Further elaborating on what he had to endure throughout the show, she would say that “he wore earplugs and sat through the entire show without one word of complaint. He sat through the ‘beheading’ and the contortions with the snake and the rest.” There’s no mention of him bobbing around to ‘School’s Out’, or quietly humming along to ‘I’m Eighteen’, and instead we’re simply left with an image of a poorly dressed dad stoically powering through hours of an event he didn’t wish to be at.
Was the disguise necessary? Of course, it wasn’t. His career would not have been in any way damaged if he’d been spotted at the show. It’s not like his fellow Hollywood stars haven’t also got stories to tell about unusual gigs they’ve been to (see also: David Niven being one of 30 people at Damo Suzuki’s first show with Can and hating every moment). It could have even led to further opportunities for his career to take a more unusual direction. Would he have wanted that? Absolutely not.
On the way back, Donaldson asked Grant what he made of the concert, to which his reply is the most surprising element of all. “You know what it’s like?” Grant began. “Remember I told you about the time I took LSD in my doctor’s office and shat all over his rug and floor? Well now I know how that poor doctor felt.”
There are so many more questions to be asked about this reply that remain unanswered, and while stories of Grant’s acid-taking adventures are a story best left for another time, my only hope is that next time you watch Penny Serenade or listen to Billion Dollar Babies, your mind now jumps to the dashing actor curling out a turd on his GP’s carpet. You’re welcome.
