The “preposterous” movie Keanu Reeves said would definitely get you laid: “Guaranteed sex!”
Since he doesn’t have any identifiable bad bones in his body, everyone he’s worked with says he’s every bit as nice as the internet has been led to believe, and he seems like a generally trustworthy fella; most people would be inclined to take Keanu Reeves at his word.
Then again, some folks might have to draw the line when Hollywood’s most wholesome actor adopted an interesting marketing technique by declaring that one of his movies would have such an effect on its captive audience that it would definitely culminate in a spot of hanky panky.
As far as selling a film to the masses goes, it’s a little bit weird. What if somebody watched it alone? Didn’t think of that one, did you, Keanu? Or maybe he did, and the expectations were that sparks would fly in the cinema, new romances would form, and then the naughty bits would happen later, as was his wont.
If the overriding sentiment so far is, ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’, that’s fair. And, to be honest, not many viewers would have even been able to take Reeves up on his promise, since the film in question opened in 75th place at the box office in its debut weekend, and barely scraped by $2 million in ticket sales, which isn’t ideal for a production that cost $12 million.
In 2010’s Henry’s Crime, which he also produced, the John Wick and Speed star’s title character is a toll booth operator who gets sent to prison after being framed for a robbery he didn’t commit. After being released, life imitates life when he tries to rob the same bank for real, which doesn’t sound as though it’s the kind of thing to have the ticket-buying public getting hot under the collar.
“Henry has no dream,” Reeves opined. “He’s gone along with his life. I feel that’s a real story. Sometimes we just go along with things. With him, it stops being OK, and when he decides to rob the bank, he starts to live. It’s preposterous, but hopefully it’s delightful, too.”
Again, not really feeling particularly frisky here, but at least a handful of randy bastards disagreed. “To me, it’s a really good afternoon film,” he added. “I’ve had a couple of people come out after it and say, ‘Wow, we saw your film, and we just wanna go have sex now. Maybe it just makes you want to hold someone close. Of all the comments I’ve heard, that’s my favourite.”
Doubling down, the actor had an idea. One that, with hindsight, would have been a disastrous move for a flick that lost a lot of money anyway, but don’t let it be said that he isn’t one for encouraging the average punter to get their kicks. “Watch Henry’s Crime! Guaranteed sex!” he exclaimed. “If your girl doesn’t put out after this, we’ll give you half your money back!”
Since it flopped, are we to infer that there wasn’t a post-Henry’s Crime baby boom? It seems safe to assume so. And to think, its earnings would have been even less had he kept his vow to refund 50% of the ticket price to anyone who didn’t get laid. Either that, or it was watched largely by lonely prudes.
