Mark E. Smith’s savage put-down of Suede
Britain’s foremost misanthropissed Mark E. Smith was a musical force of utter savagery. In fact, in his memoir, John Cooper Clarke muses that he may well be the only man in the British alternative entertainment sphere that has met him and lived to tell the tale with a punch-free face, and that was purely because he knew him growing up and became an unofficial Showbiz uncle to the star—“the type of uncle who doesn’t give a fuck what you get up to.”
Needless to say, the vast majority of folks didn’t fare quite so kindly. He called Ed Sheeran and Jeremy Corbyn “evil twins”, he thought the practice of celebrities starting bands should be banned, and as for the modern age in general he had this damning report: “I agree with Colonel Gaddafi. Too much laptops, too much Nescafé, that is what he said you know. It’s quite biblical actually, it was predicted in the Bible.” However, Suede had reason to believe that things would be different.
After spending an entire tour supporting The Fall, they excitedly tuned into Richard Skinner’s radio show hoping that he might prise some praise from Smith regarding their opening sets. As they eagerly bend their ears towards the radio, Skinner began to formulate the fateful question, ‘what do you make of the current crop of bands emerging like Suede?’ A pregnant second passed as the band prayed for their hero’s commendation. In the end, he simply grumbled, “Never heard of them.”
This was all the more bemusing to the band given that he had actually been rather personable with them. As Mat Osman recalls: “To a man we were massive fans and VERY excited to be asked. Everyone told us he could be rough on support bands but he was great. Lots of time to soundcheck.” Wildly out of character, Smith had even told the band to “come straight to him with any problem.”
Naturally, they were nervous meeting Smith, but he eased them in like a sober consummate pro. “The shows were great, his crowd were great, The Fall were great,” Osman recalled. However, putting them down with a line as perfectly timed as, “Never heard of them,” was too good for Smith to pass up.
And therein lies the riddle of the frontman: while he might have run The Fall band like a manic, drunken dictator, and embraced more scrapes over the years than a wing-mirror in downtown Saigon, a lot of what he said was merely part of a fully committed comedy bit and that’s why many bands might have felt his wrath, but there are plenty of others who simply have a sardonic tale to chuckle over.
