Lily Allen’s top tip to have sex with a musician
It’s a fleeting reverie that’s stricken many a hormonal suburban teen gazing at their band poster taped on the ceiling or an ambitious fan figuring the easiest beeline to the tour bass passing through town: how best to get in the knickers/Y-fronts of our most beloved rock stars?
Such musings hit the hard wall of reality pretty swiftly. Pulled into a whirlwind of passionate embrace with your beloved rock icon or pop sensation, clothes flung aside in feverish yearning for each other in the plush VIP suite of the swankiest hotel are starkly ripped apart by an irate customer interrupting your fantasy.
In the process, reminding you that, in fact, rather than the exciting squeeze of the rich and famous, you’re a call centre worker trapped in a cubicle of a complaints department of a consumer services corporate giant, on the weekend shift to boot.
Yet, for those who actually have a chance, many will think, “Why bother?” With today’s music fans looking back at the classic rock hedonism with a lot less romanticism, the thought of half-drunk, drug-addled, leery bandmates and their skeezy touring crew opening the tour bus doors for a sad evening of disappointing sex doesn’t quite set pulses racing, not to mention the downright dangerous legacy of predatory abuse that fog even our most beloved icons.
Still, when consensual and unexploitative, and you honestly think you’re in for a shot, fill your boots! Such sex positivity has been keenly explored by UK pop star Lily Allen. As well as harping on frankly about her and ex-husband David Harbour’s intimate affairs when together, and standing as a key face of the #IMasturbate movement with her official clitoral pump sex toy Liberty, Allen’s efforts to dismantle the taboos and awkwardness around sexuality make the West End Girl singer a sage source of advice for any eager ‘beavers’ looking for that special night with their Adonis beauty or beckoning Venus, scallop shell and the lot.
“Well, I’ve only done this a couple of times and it’s been quite meticulously planned, so you have to kind of find yourself in a place where the celebrity thinks that they are discovering you, not the other way around,” Allen revealed to Interview in 2025. “There was a particular celebrity that I was really after romantically, and I looked at his touring schedule, and he was going to be in Japan.”
She unveiled her plan of action. “So I made sure that I was at this festival and that I would be one of the very few English-speaking people at the same festival as him, which I guess made me interesting. Actually, both my celebrity hookups have been in Japan, but different celebrities.”
Tickets to Japan!? The class divide strikes again, can’t even manoeuvre your way to the bedroom of a touring heartthrob without forking out £800 odd. It’s likely flights to East Asia are incidental to Allen’s obvious instructions to simply plan, prepare, and create the random “Oh, it’s you” bumping into each other required to light those flirtatious frissons.
So, all you need to do is examine upcoming touring dates, scope out anticipated social spots, spy from afar and observe the entourage’s movements, then move in for the kill. Just try not to look like a stalker throughout the whole process, which you’ll almost certainly do.
