When Lauren Bacall forced a kiss on Billy Bob Thornton: “Humphrey Bogart is so pissed off right now”
If an actor doesn’t have the chance to meet one of their heroes because they died decades before they made a name for themselves in Hollywood, what’s the next best thing? If you’re Humphrey Bogart superfan Billy Bob Thornton, the answer isn’t Lauren Bacall jamming her tongue down your throat.
The eventual Academy Award-winning Sling Blade writer, director, and star was only 17 months old when the ‘Golden Age’ icon passed away in January 1957, at which point he couldn’t form sentences, never mind appreciate what Bogart had brought to cinema. Still, when he was old enough, he became an inspiration.
‘Bogie’ remains one of his era’s definitive leading men, and he’s become a touchstone for everyone from Michael Caine and Leonardo DiCaprio to Nicolas Cage and Morgan Freeman. Thornton is a proud member of that club, but he got a lot more than he bargained for when he got closer to the High Sierra, The Maltese Falcon, and Casablanca legend than he could have ever expected.
Bogart and Bacall were married from 1945 until his death, made four pictures together, and became one of Tinseltown’s definitive power couples. She remained a fixture of the screen for decades after his passing, and when Thornton attended a particularly star-studded dinner at Roddy McDowall’s house, his night ended in a way that the youngster who grew up in Arkansas watching their movies wouldn’t believe.
Gregory Peck was there, as were Paul Reubens, Tim Curry, Dolly Parton, John Schlesinger, and Steve Martin, which is quite the motley crew of mealtime companions. When the time came for everyone to go home, Bacall couldn’t get her rental car started, and Thornton was selected as the most qualified candidate to assist.
After a little trial and error, he got the engine running, and to thank him, she grabbed him by the lapels and “kind of started making out with me,” he recalled. “I’m looking up at the street lamp thinking, ‘I’m kissing Lauren Bacall,'” he marvelled to Esquire. “And my second thought was, ‘Humphrey Bogart is looking down at me so pissed off right now.'”
It must have been a mindfuck for the actor and filmmaker to be standing outside the house of a Tony-winning veteran of stage and screen, all while a myriad of famous faces from various forms of entertainment are within, none the wiser that he was in the midst of playing tonsil tennis with Lauren Bacall.
“He’s a hero of mine, and now I’m kissing Bogey’s wife,” he added. “This is weird.” After their brief and completely unprompted moment of passion, she gave him a quick, “Thank you, darling,” and then drove off into the night, most likely leaving Thornton standing there in the dark to wonder what the fuck had just happened, and whether it was actually real.
It was, and it’s one of those stories that can only happen in Hollywood. It wasn’t how he saw his evening going, but there surely can’t be too many people who both idolise Humphrey Bogart and are able to say they kissed his wife.
