The Keanu Reeves movie Roger Ebert hated: “A deliberately morose energy”
Few figures in the strange world of film criticism drew the respect of cinephiles, actors and directors alike quite like Roger Ebert, and throughout his career, the legendary writer talked at length of the inner workings of cinema whilst always delivering his words with a unique, almost humanist touch.
However, like any critic worth their salt, Ebert never stopped short of dishing out a bad review where he thought it necessary, and no star, regardless of their stature or prior quality of filmography, was safe from his barbarous pen. Even Keanu Reeves received the worst of Ebert’s criticism, joining the long list of actors who felt his wrath.
Ebert had written a scathing review of the 2005 superhero horror movie Constantine, which saw Reeves star in the lead role in Francis Lawrence’s directorial debut. Based on the Hellblazer graphic novels, Reeves plays the titular exorcist, John Constantine, who has the ability to communicate with half-angels and demons and travel between Hell and Earth because of a decision he made earlier in his life.
Or, as Ebert puts it: “Keanu Reeves plays Constantine as a chain-smoking, depressed demon-hunter who lives above a bowling alley in Los Angeles. Since he was a child, he has been able to see that not all who walk among us are human. Some are half-angels and half-devils. Constantine knows he is doomed to hell because he once tried to kill himself, and is trying to rack up enough frames against the demons to earn his way into heaven.”
There are a number of issues that Ebert took with Constantine. For starters, the performance of Reeves himself, which he believed lacked energy, the narrative itself, the potential product placement of a particular brand of brandy, and the fact that the Catholic nature of the film is never quite examined at length.
Berating the film, Ebert wrote: “The angel Gabriel tells [Constantine], ‘You are going to die young because you’ve smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 13.’ Gabriel has made more interesting announcements. Constantine has already spent some time in hell, which looks like a post-nuclear Los Angeles created by animators with a hangover. No doubt it is filled with carcinogens.”
The iconic film critic signed off his review of Constantine by pointing out Reeves’ poor performance and a distinct plot hole, noting, “Reeves has a deliberately morose energy level in the movie, as befits one who has seen hell, walks among half-demons, and is dying. He keeps on smoking. Oh, and the plot also involves the Spear of Destiny, which is the spear that killed Christ, and which has been missing since World War II, which seems to open a window to the possibility of Nazi villains, but no.”
Check out the trailer for Constantine below.
