Judi Dench’s X-rated case of mistaken identity: “I suppose a shag is out of the question?”
The diminutive dame might be a living legend of stage and screen who her peers celebrate as one of the best to ever do it, but never let it be forgotten that Judi Dench has a wickedly mischievous side.
When she’s not delivering reliably stellar performances across theatre, film, and television, the Academy Award-winning veteran is often up to no good. In fact, even when she is treading the boards, she has a habit of causing all sorts of trouble for anyone unfortunate enough to wind up on the receiving end.
To illustrate her wild side, Lesley Manville once said Dench “should be locked up” after distracting her during a stage performance and trying to make her laugh by “pretending she’s being pleasured by somebody from behind,” which culminated in Manville literally pissing herself in front of an audience.
Before his fall from grace, the hell-raiser also delighted in telling the world she’d gotten Harvey Weinstein’s name tattooed on her arse, and while an elderly lady spending her downtime between takes doing some embroidering sounds wholesome, Dench couldn’t help herself from being a nuisance.
Her Pride & Prejudice co-star, Matthew Macfadyen, revealed that some of the messages woven onto Dench’s embroidery included such messages as “You Are a Cunt” and “You Are a Fucking Shit,” which Keira Knightley corroborated by sharing that she caught her working on one with a simple “Fuck” on it.
With that in mind, Dench opting for an X-rated stunt mid-performance hardly seems out of the ordinary, although it backfired in an embarrassing case of mistaken identity. It wasn’t even the first time her failing eyesight had got her mixed up in an unfortunate situation either, as she explained to Gyles Brandreth.
“I was driving along and saw who I thought was Alistair McGowan,” Dench said, recalling when she was under the impression she’d seen her friend and Bafta-winning comedian. “And I shouted, ‘Wanker,’ and it was a total stranger.” A faux pas, sure, but not a patch on when she was convinced she’d spied Howard Davies in the audience when she was on stage.
The vaunted theatre director and Dench had collaborated on numerous productions dating back to the 1970s, so it’s safe to assume he was aware of her reputation. “I got a piece of paper and folded it up and wrote on it, ‘I suppose a shag is out of the question?'” she explained of her risque prank.
“I dropped the note and looked up and played the scene, and I glanced back,” she reflected, hoping to see Davies red-faced from being propositioned by the leading lady. However, there was a twist in the tale that left Dench hoping the ground would open up and swallow her whole: “And it was also a complete stranger.”
Whoever the total random on the receiving end was, it must have been a night at the theatre to remember. After all, how many people can say they’ve gone to watch a play and ended up with a note handwritten by Judi Dench saying she’s not against the idea of bumping uglies? Based on her lengthy track record of near-the-knuckle pranks, it may even be more than one.
