The three best rock bands in history, according to Howard Stern
Infamous shock jock Howard Stern is a man who is not afraid to voice his opinion, and he’ll likely throw in a slew of fucking expletives while he’s at it, if you’ll excuse the French.
Throughout the broadcaster’s career, the frizzy-haired bastard has stirred the pot of radio like a nuclear-powered whisk. Importantly, however, when it comes to musical chat, he is a comic who embodies the notion that all comedians want to be musicians, and as such, he is well-versed in the realm of rock ‘n’ roll. In fact, there aren’t many radio DJs with the breadth of knowledge Stern possesses beneath his greased, noodly mop top.
Over the years, he has chewed the fat with many music industry giants, from Paul McCartney to the Ramones and more. In the process, he has boldly baited guests into joining him in daring declarations, such as getting McCartney to admit that The Beatles were better than The Stones, delving into Joey Ramone’s tempestuous relationship with Johnny, and trying to strongarm a reluctant Billy Joel into saying he hates ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’.
This made it all the more noteworthy when he received a call from a listener back in 2020 who requested to know the three greatest rock bands of all time. Stern was more than happy to boldly oblige. For the callers’ part, he declared Led Zeppelin, Queen and prog-rock legends Rush as the three greatest bands. A statement that led to the unflinching host mercilessly mocking the poor, misguided soul.
“If you’re talking overall singular artists, then I can talk to you about James Brown, and I can talk to you about a lot of other people who were important,” Stern caveats in typical muso fashion, setting aside his honourable mentions to disclose his depth of knowledge.
However, he did eventually land on his picks, going straight in for the prime period of the 1960s. “Fuck all the bullshit with Buddy Holly and the Crickets all that crap,” he calmly declared, “none of it matters until The Beatles. Fuck Elvis, fuck Crickets, all that shit,” he repeats for good measure.
“I tell you, The Beatles are the number one band of all time,” he insists, in a statement about as shocking as a weather forecast in Manchester. In the past, Stern made his love of the Fab Four very clear by even referring to Paul McCartney as a “modern-day Beethoven.”
Regarding the remaining two slots on the podium, Stern forcefully offers up the following deluge of impassioned opinion: “The second group, without a doubt, no argument, The Rolling Stones! Because The Rolling Stones did something so unique, they built off a blues foundation, and they created masterpieces.”
Another blues-based British band, Led Zeppelin, takes up the third slot on the Olympic podium of Stern’s favourite rock bands, perhaps leaving the Ramones, who he is very fond of, in fourth. “When they came about,” Stern begins his eulogy of Zeppelin, “these riffs that Jimmy Page came up with, John ‘Bonzo’ Bonham on drums and Robert Plant’s vocal were insane.”
Before his faithful co-host, Robin Quivers, quickly adds: “You have to think of what happened to music after this. Music changed!”
And there we have it, Stern’s holy trinity of rock: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. It is hardly a daring reach, and credit has to be given that he avoided any contrarian pitfalls. The impact of the trio in all areas is undeniable, and while he may have begun the conversation by asserting that his list was very genre-specific, it is a measure of all three acts that their impact transcended rock alone.
It also speaks to the perfect storm of circumstances that arose in the 1960s, when all three bands released their first single within seven years of each other. Perhaps even more notable is that in such a small space of time, each of them enacted their own changes within the industry. In Stern’s triumvirate, you’ve got scope and experimentation in the Fab Four, you’ve got sheer ferocity and fucklessness in The Stones, and manic musicianship of the heaviest order with Led Zeppelin.
The only thing left to note is that poor old Keith Richards wouldn’t have been happy to keep company with any of the peers that Stern selected, having claimed that The Beatles turned “rubbish” with psychedelia and that Led Zeppelin “never took off”.
Who are the top three bands, according to science?
As it happens, he’s also not far off the three that data science decrees as the most revered. Henrik Franzon has studied critical appraisal for years, amassing untold data from the widest array of certified global sources possible. And his scientific study has been able to fathom which lucky fret-fiddlers have been lauded above any other bands in the recent reams of music history.
Naturally, the Beatles take the top spot once more. Then there’s The Rolling Stones behind the disqualified solo act Bob Dylan in third, but the next band on the list is actually Radiohead in sixth, with Led Zeppelin creeping in just behind them. So, while Stern might be a shock jock, he also certainly has his finger on the pulse of public sentiment, too.
Never Miss A Beat
The Far Out Beatles Newsletter
All the latest stories about The Beatles from the independent voice of culture.
Straight to your inbox.