How a tough time helped Dave Gahan make his favourite Depeche Mode record
Depeche Mode have quietly become one of the most beloved bands of all time. The group are famed for their clever use of lyrics and pop nuances to create a blend of alternative and life-altering songs. The group revelled in their duality, providing high-quality pop hits while living the life of unadulterated rock stars. One man typified this more than most, lead singer Dave Gahan.
The singer is famed for not only being one of British music’s finer lyricists but also one of the era’s ultimate hellraisers. Having famously slept in a coffin during backstage moments, Gahan is famed for his ‘resurrection’ after a 1996 cocktail of drugs sent him into the afterlife, only to be pulled back from the brink.
Since that moment, Gahan has maintained that he had an out-of-body experience. He told Q in 2003: “All I saw and all I felt at first was complete darkness. I’ve never been in a space that was blacker, and I remember feeling that whatever it was I was doing, it was really wrong. Then the next thing I remember was seeing myself on the floor, on the steps outside my hotel bathroom, and there was a lot of activity going on around me… In some ways, it was very liberating. Then I came to and a cop was handcuffing me. It certainly wasn’t a place I’d like to visit again.”
It was during this tumultuous time that Depeche Mode were recording Ultra, a record that would go on to become one of Gahan’s favourites particularly because it provided him with a crossroads moment. He told EW in 2017: “This was a weird time for me. I wasn’t feeling particularly confident during the making of Ultra, and I had some rough times during it. In the middle of making it we stopped completely, and I had to go into a treatment place to get taken care of. I also got arrested during the course of that album, busted in Los Angeles, and then I was in real trouble. That was kind of the beginning of the end for me. I was still dabbling in the idea that I could play that game and also still continue my life, but the gig was up.”
The singer may have had an idea of living life out as a rock and roll tragedy, but his arrest would provide a cold-water moment that shocked him out of his dream world and brought reality to his door. “I was actually grateful for being arrested, for the judge that promised me that I would go to prison if I didn’t stay clean because I listened to him and something clicked,” he continued. “Those two years when we were making that album, and I had to go back and forth to court to prove to the judge that I’d stayed clean, it gave me this time to suddenly realise, ‘Oh, I can do this, I can crawl my way back, I can get better. And I do want to be here.’”
The tough time however would shape Gahan’s view of the album: “But that record is one of my favourites, ‘Barrel of a Gun’ in particular, because I think Martin was also playing with this imagery as well, sort of pointing the finger at me. When I perform that song now, it really describes the way I felt at that time: This creature that was barely existing, but somehow still thought he had it going on [laughs]. Martin was spot-on with his lyrics. I mean, I don’t even know if the song was written about me, or for me, or poking at me to say ‘For f–k’s sake, get your s–t together!’ But it worked. I liked it.”
However, the album wasn’t a usual release for a group that had toured extensively throughout their career. “We didn’t go on tour with that album, thank God,” Gahan continued. “I think I would have died. At that point, I was struggling just to sing. I couldn’t stand up in front of a microphone for longer than ten minutes without literally lying on the floor, I was that weak. So I was allowed that time to get it together, and I’m grateful for that. I also moved to New York, and that was very cathartic for me, being part of life again. You can’t live in New York without being part of it.”
Listen to Depeche Mode’s ‘Barrel of a Gun’ below.
