‘Stink-Foot’: Frank Zappa’s funniest lyric
How can you ever define someone who is completely undefinable? Frank Zappa remains one of the most creative individuals ever to grace God’s green earth. In just 52 years, he managed to release 62 albums, and 67 more pieces of work have been released since he passed away. He was a true workaholic who never put limitations on his creativity, and his art speaks for itself.
This creativity often manifested itself in something completely bizarre. Frank Zappa was always keen on pushing boundaries, which led to some of the most obscure pieces of music ever created and some of the craziest live shows that music lovers ever attended. His shows developed such a reputation that Zappa had to confirm that many of the stories circulating about them were false.
“There never was a gross-out contest,” he said. “That was a rumour. Somebody’s imagination ran wild. Chemically bonded imagination […] The rumour was that I went so far as to eat shit onstage. There were people who were terribly disappointed that I never ate shit onstage. But no, there never was anything resembling a gross-out contest.”
It’s easy to see why people might be convinced that Zappa would do something so disgusting, as his live shows with Mothers of Invention did border on psychedelic insanity. “We did have a stuffed giraffe rigged with a hose and an industrial-strength whipped cream dispenser. Under it, we had a cherry bomb. That’s how we celebrated the fourth of July in 1967,” Zappa revealed. “Somebody waved the flag, lit the cherry bomb. It blew the ass out of the giraffe.”
His lyrics reflected this free-loving chaos. He was never afraid to write flamboyantly and touch upon subjects in a way that constantly embraced the obscure. Zappa would always rather embrace the chaotic as opposed to write in a way that he had a unique understanding of the world that others didn’t. He admitted to resenting lyrics like “We are the world,” as they painted musicians in a light that wasn’t remotely true.
With so many funny lyrics making up Zappa’s catalogue, it begs the question as to which is his best. As mentioned above, he released 62 albums during his time here on Earth; as such, there is a lot to choose from and no definitive answer. If you ask 100 Zappa fans, you’ll get 100 different answers, but there has to be something said for his comical embodiment of a dog on the track ‘Stink-Foot’.
When introducing the song, Zappa said, “We have a song about feet, this is a foot song.” While that might already sound relatively strange, the whole song doubles up as a spoken word piece, restaurant advertisement, story surrounding foot problems, showcase of guitar-playing excellence, and, of course, a conversation that one man has with his dog.
After asking “Fido” to bring him his slippers, the character in Zappa’s strange story starts talking about feet and existentialism to his dog. The funniest line comes when Zappa introduces this strange dynamic, with the simple yet effective lyric, “Once upon a time, somebody say to me (this is a dog talking now).” The coolness with which the bizarre statement is brushed off is nothing short of hilarious, but the dog and his owner have a rather in-depth conversation. “What is your conceptual continuity?” The dog asks, before also saying, “The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe.”
The charm, hilarity, and various ways this song can be read into and studied make for a great listen. ‘Stink-Foot has to go down in history as one of Zappa’s funniest songs.
