Joni Mitchell

Although he is an ingenious addition to our dismal daily lives, our reverence of the arts is still heavily rooted in the Renaissance-led Catholic traditions of grandiose culture that speaks of the Gods, marble and sheer sincerity. Thus, the ‘Dean of Satire’ is never going to get the praise he deserves just yet for his decidedly more humorous humanised output. It’s the same reason comedians never do well at the Oscars. In present Western society, clowning around will always come second to the choir, despite the complexity and value inherent in either form.

This much Newman can understand, however, there is one element of critical adulation that leaves him miffed. “No,” he says, his lack of success doesn’t bother him. But he quickly adds: “Occasionally, I’ll get briefly angry at the veneration accorded some writers, who the generation decides to give a free ride. Joni [Mitchell] being worshipped is an odd thing for me.” Perhaps Joni Mitchell is just a little too serious for him.

Bob Dylan

A star can also fade, and while Newman has celebrated Bob Dylan‘s brilliance in the past, ranking among the very best – if not the very best in American history – he thinks the press often pay too much attention to his former glories when looking at his more recent works. As he explained to the Guardian: “Dylan knows he doesn’t write like he did on those first two records. The tremendous praise that the last two have gotten, I’m not so sure [that would have happened] if they didn’t have his name on it.”

When Dylan’s lavish praise – ”he’s gonna write a better song than most people who can do it. You know, he’s got that down to an art. Now Randy knows music. He knows music” – was put back to him, Newman, like a midget at a urinal, was caught on his toes and quickly quipped, ”Well I didn’t know that, otherwise I wouldn’t have said what I just said. But he’s a bright guy.” Indeed, Dylan hasn’t been all that far off agreeing in the past. After all, how could even Dylan, the master that he is, excuse the maddening ‘Wiggle, Wiggle’?

Bruce Springsteen

“I admire Prince,” Newman proclaimed in an interview with David Sheff. “Even if it’s babyish sex stuff, he’s saying something. I prefer him to Springsteen—to almost anybody else, in fact. He tries new things. He’s brave.” Now, coming second to Prince is no embarrassment to anyone, the little Purple One is a certified maestro, but Bruce Springsteen couldn’t quite settle for second.

Newman knocked a few places further down the pecking order when he added: “Springsteen’s all right, but I’m not one of the converted. I hear that as a performer, he’s the best in the world. I hear that from people who never liked him that much before they saw him. And, by the way, I loved Nebraska. I don’t think Springsteen as a writer can shine Prince’s shoes. They’re not even in the same league. Springsteen’s not in the same league as Stevie Wonder musically.”

Andrew Lloyd Webber

The Boss wasn’t the only bandleader being bad-mouthed by Newman in his chat with Sheff, he also took comic issue with the British musical writer, Andrew Lloyd Webber. “There are people who don’t have the talent for writing music but do it successfully. Andrew Lloyd Webber, for example, doesn’t have any talent that I can see. (I wouldn’t say this if he were an American),” he joked.

Before continuing with a great deal more seriousness. “He keeps doing it and he’s enormously successful. I can’t hear one note in Cats that would indicate he has any talent. And that Requiem Mass of his is the wimpiest, limpest thing I’ve ever heard. So you can gather I really don’t like the guy’s stuff.” However, with a degree of each-to-their-own self-awareness, he conceded, “I assume he doesn’t like my stuff, either. It’s ok with me.”

Elvis Costello

“I watch him like I watch [Paul] Simon or Dylan,” Newman said of Rod Stewart. This may be somewhat surprising, but it is indicative of the fact that he analyses music in a manner far different from the swept-up status quo. So, in the next beat, in a 1983 interview with Rolling Stone, he rubbished the darling of the day, Elvis Costello.

“He’s never immediately impressed me as being the great record maker and songwriter that critics say he is,” Newman said of the Attractions man. When its put to him that Costello actually cites his complexity as an inspiration, he comes back with, “Oh, he got away from that. Got more basic and human.” Then, when it’s put to him that at least Costello is prolific in his craft, he retorts, “Yeah, I heard Get Happy. That’s the one he had twenty on, right? I can do that. I can write forty of those.”