Five hilariously censored moments in explicit movie scenes
Why the hell anyone would think it was suitable to broadcast Scarface on daytime TV with a few censored tweaks is beyond me, but this is the hilarious reality that we live in. Because of the fact that swearing is a vulgarity that nobody can handle on something as mainstream as television during daylight, censors are up against it to overdub foul language with some fitting substitute, and the results are often a barrel of laughs.
This ludicrous practice has created a niche comedic sensation. If you come across one of these hilarious moments during a live broadcast, then you have found the holy grail of daytime irreverence. Quite often, these moments completely alter the plot of the film or seem wildly unrelated to the scene. In some ways, you often suspect that the censors are in on the joke.
Below we have compiled some of the most laugh-out-loud overdubbing moments in TV history. From Samuel L. Jackson’s simian slip-up to Walter Sobchak inexplicably raging about a skiing mishap, these absurd moments make no sense in the most beautiful manner. Nobody said overdubbing was easy, but these moments have you wondering whether it would’ve just been better to bleep it out.
Five censored moments in explicit movie scenes:
“Monkey fighting snakes” – Snakes on a Plane
In a moment of sheer exasperation, as Samuel L. Jackson tries to harangue a plane beset by slithering bastards into some sort of order, he yells: “Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother f—king snakes, on this mother f—king plane!” His anger is understandable. Less understandable, however, is his outburst on the TV edit where he exclaims: “Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane.”
Nowhere in the script are primates mentioned, and the notion of a plane remaining in the air for a whole working week is more mind-bending than the actual plot. This overdubbing opus is considered the finest ever drafted among the fanatical community of comedy censor fiends. It is, in short, pure poetry.
“Find a stranger in the Alps” – The Big Lebowski
It’s one of the greatest films ever created—a masterpiece whereby every line and detail is considered with intent. This makes it all the more unexpected when Walter Sobchak goes off on one and starts smashing up a sports car while yelling, “This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.”
The actual line is, of course, “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.” However, the daytime version subverts the notion of getting screwed over into something much more surreal. Why would an Alpine stranger be this aggressive? Is this some sort of censorship metaphor for the post-ski season slump of a vengeful slalom master?
“Eating pineapple?” – Scarface
As previously mentioned, the only reason I can think of for Scarface even being shown on daytime TV is some sort of contact backhand to keep a censorship business afloat. The tale of Tony Montana is one of the most profane and violent in mainstream cinema history, it’s far from ideal to follow a Murder She Wrote re-run.
In fairness to this overdub, “How did you get the scar? Eating pussy?” is hardly golden dialogue, and in its own way, “Eating pineapple?” does kind of make sense, provided he was trying to chow down on it with trimming off the spiky top, but that does make it sound more like a general inquiry rather than an insult. The mind continues to boggle.
“His antics were priceless” – The Departed
Kids love nothing more than a Martin Scorsese movie, so I’ll be they couldn’t believe their luck when The Departed met with a circus-themed overdub. The daytime TV version of this organised crime flick has the fearsome Jack Nicholson running some sort of clown caper racket in cahoots with Coco rather than the Yakuza.
With more swearing per minute than the pinnacle of TV art, Tourettes: I Swear I Can’t Help It, it seems beside the point to pluck a show which has the sole purpose of pointing a finger at violence and making it PG.
“I HATE EVERYONE” – Die Hard with a Vengeance
While in most circumstances, changing f—king to flying isn’t going to alter the entire plot, there are some controversies that simply can’t be skirted. The amendment of “Yippie-ki yay, mother f—ker,” to “Yippe-ki yay, Mr Falcon,” might have gone unnoticed in Die Hard with a Vengeance, one tweak rendered the whole thing ridiculous.
The original plot sees a villain thrust John McClane into the heart of Harlem sporting a sandwich board – that he can’t remove – with a racial slur etched on it. Naturally, this causes uproar and retribution in the largely black neighbourhood. However, a sign saying ‘I HATE EVERYONE’ would surely never create more ruckus than a few suspect looks.
