The director who hated Michael Bay so much he challenged him to a fight: “He sucks big-time”
Michael Bay is one of cinema’s great punchlines. The director is often the focus of ridicule from more elitist film fans who see his movies as little more than substanceless explosion-fests designed to sell toys and little else. This isn’t entirely unfounded, as the likes of Armageddon, Pearl Harbour, and the ‘Transformers’ series aren’t exactly high art, but as one of the highest-grossing directors of all time, Bay probably doesn’t give a damn what people think of him.
One person who isn’t Bay’s biggest fan is another director, one with a reputation just as volatile as Jerry Bruckheimer’s best friend. Uwe Boll, a German filmmaker best known for his adaptations of popular video games, once got into a very public spat with Bay, one that could have ended in spectacular circumstances.
In 2008, Boll posted a video on YouTube (which has since been removed) challenging the box office topper to a boxing match. According to Eurogamer, Boll wanted to face his opponent, “in September or October, pay-per-view, Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas,” as well as claiming that, “with the money [Bay] has for his movies, he sucks big-time”.
This insane ultimatum was the end result of a publicity stunt devised by Boll to promote his movie Postal, an adaptation of the controversial, ultra-violent video game. Boll called himself, “the only genius in the whole fucking [movie] business,” before singling out Bay and fellow director Eli Roth as examples of Hollywood creative bankruptcy. He had some very choice words for both of his peers, words that shan’t be repeated here, but just know that they were completely unacceptable by today’s standards.
Instead of just letting a much lesser name burn himself out, Bay actually responded to Boll’s tirade. He fired back, calling the Alone in the Dark director a “sad being,” and saying, “I find people who rant like that – calling shit about both me and George Clooney – comes from someone screaming because he is not being heard… When you ask, ‘Do I care?’ Not in the slightest.” However, if he genuinely didn’t care, he wouldn’t have said anything. These comments only enraged Boll further, leading to the gauntlet being thrown down.
If you can believe it, this wasn’t the only time Boll threatened to go toe-to-toe with those who criticised him. In 2006, two years before the Bay debacle, he issued an open challenge to anybody who thought he couldn’t direct. This was their chance to put up or shut up, in Boll’s view, as the likes of Roger Avery and Quentin Tarantino were invited to put on some gloves and go a few rounds. Even more incredibly, people actually took him up on his offer! According to The Guardian, Boll fought four critics back-to-back in Vancouver, Canada, winning every single one of his fights. Whatever you think about the guy’s work, you can’t say he doesn’t follow through his promises.
Alas, Boll vs. Bay never happened. Whilst this is probably a good thing, you can’t say you’re not even slightly intrigued by the thought of watching the guy who directed The Rock get pummeled by a big, ticked-off German dude. Celebrity boxing has become a massive business in recent years, so maybe this clash of the titans will actually happen now. Both men are nearly 60, but if Mike Tyson can get back in the ring, then truly anything is possible.
