“I’m fucking shit”: the crisis of confidence that drove Heath Ledger to greatness
Nobody would consider calling Heath Ledger a bad actor, apart from maybe Heath Ledger, who never seemed truly convinced that he was worthy of the label being hung across his shoulders.
Matt Damon has worked with some of the very best in the business, from Robin Williams and Gene Hackman to Christian Bale and Tom Hanks, but he remains adamant that his co-star in Terry Gilliam’s The Brothers Grimm was the single most gifted performer he’d ever shared the screen with.
The fact that his performance as the Joker in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight has inspired the current crop of aspiring A-listers says everything that it needs to about not only Ledger’s natural talents, but the way he managed to put a spin on a pop culture icon so singular that it’s become influential in its own right.
During his early years, the posthumous Academy Award-winner admitted that he signed up for some movies that he perhaps shouldn’t have in retrospect, with Ledger pinpointing 2003’s Ned Kelly as the turning point for intentionally hitting the self-destruct button to avoid being typecast as a pretty boy.
Not all of his work after that was impeccable, since there was a Sin Eater for every Brokeback Mountain, but he could always be relied on to deliver an engaging, watchable turn. Before his Oscar-nominated turn in Ang Lee’s drama had even been witnessed in cinemas, Ledger was already downplaying himself.
“I still have far to go,” he insisted. “I don’t ever want to consider myself a good actor, because, well, I think I’m not. And I think it allows you to be lazy; you start to think you’re hot shit.” He was hot shit, to be fair, but that wasn’t a label he’d ever put on himself, especially when it came to auditioning for potential roles.
Summing up his self-perception of how good he was at running lines in front of a casting director or filmmaker, he claimed they were nonexistent. “I’m fucking shit,” he offered. “I’m terrible. I give the worst performance.” Ledger even suggested that it was “counterproductive” for him to audition, since he believed himself to be so shit that it would cost him the job.
The faster his star rose in the 2000s, the less likely it was that he’d have to audition anyway. That must have been a relief, since the Aussie went into every single one of them fully prepared to leave empty-handed, based entirely on his own withering assessment of his abilities to deliver the goods when he wasn’t in set or on costume.
It’s always dangerous for any actor to buy into their own hype, but Ledger should have cut himself a little more slack. After all, there were many valid reasons why so many of his peers called him one of the best around.
