The Irish castle responsible for Jeremy Irons’ worst-ever movie: “I had to pay for it somehow!”
As Nicolas Cage knows all too well, actors spending millions on castles has the potential to backfire spectacularly. On the plus side, in Jeremy Irons‘ case, it didn’t get him in trouble with the taxman.
The other side of the coin is that his lavish acquisition was directly responsible for the single worst movie the Academy Award winner has ever appeared in, not that he gives a shit when he used the money he received for hamming it up to ensure that he didn’t end up in a state of destitution.
For someone who cut their teeth in the theatre and spent years honing their craft, and possesses the sort of crisp accent that lends itself equally well to villainy as it does gravitas, Irons has made some amount of shite in his career. He’s a well-known actor, but he’s never really been a star, which might have something to do with it.
Since he’s British, dedicated years of his life to the stage, and has the sort of jagged, angular features that Hollywood loves so much in its bad guys, it was almost inevitable that he’d be inundated with offers to antagonise when he chanced his arm in America. The Lion King is perhaps the best example, even though he was restricted to the recording booth, but Dungeons & Dragons is easily the worst.
Courtney Solomon’s fantasy blockbuster tanked in cinemas, was panned by critics, and notched an almost impressive 11 nominations at the Stinkers Bad Movie Awards, with Irons being recognised in the ‘Worst Supporting Actor’ category for his performance as Mage Profion, an evil wizard with designs on world domination and general cataclysmic destruction.
In 1996, West Cork’s historic 15th-century Kilcoe Castle went on the market. Despite protestations from the locals to open up the bidding to anyone willing to make the highest offer, he paid £150,000 to acquire the building, and even though he already lived in the surrounding area, it caused some friction at home because he neglected to tell his wife, Sinéad Cusack, that he’d gone ahead and bought it.
After securing planning permission for renovations, the three-time Emmy, two-time Golden Globe, and Tony-winning thespian spent another £1 million on renovations and upkeep, which drained his finances. It was the wrong film at the right time, and the lure of chewing on the scenery for a few bob proved irresistible.
Initially, he tried comparing his Dungeons & Dragons performance to that of Alec Guinness in Star Wars, another acclaimed performer who’d been well-paid for lowering themselves to effects-heavy fantasy. Obviously, the major difference is that one of them was good and one of them was crap, but Irons eventually dropped the façade and came clean.
When asked what his motivating factor was to make the woeful adaptation, he didn’t even try to sugar-coat it. “Are you kidding?” he asked, rhetorically and incredulously. “I’d just bought a castle, I had to pay for it somehow!” He can’t be faulted for his honesty, but the movie was so bad that he may well have been suffering from buyer’s remorse when he stepped on set and realised he was trapped in a dud.
