‘One Of Us Must Know (Sooner Or Later)’: Bob Dylan’s lesson in how not to apologise
Need a lesson in exactly how not to apologise? Or some pointer on what not to say when trying to earn forgiveness? Hit play on Bob Dylan’s 1966 album, Blonde on Blonde, for a masterclass on ‘One Of Us Must Know (Sooner Or Later)’.
There are several points on the record where Dylan had his claws out, but they’re always more veiled. However, they’re savage nonetheless as ‘Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat’ uses Edie Sedgwick’s signature look to essentially make fun of her declining mental health, or ‘Temporary Like Achilles’ is packed with subtle digs at Andy Warhol. But no where is he nastier than ‘One Of Us Must Know (Sooner Or Later)’, a song that is attempting to say ‘sorry’ but instead derailed into a lesson in gaslighting.
“I didn’t mean to treat you so bad,” he begins, starting so promisingly. But before the sentiment can even be sweet, it’s soured in an instant; “You shouldn’t take it so personal”. The verses follow that pattern to a tee; Dylan attempts an apology and then instantly shrugs it off, blaming the other party, excusing his behaviour or even suggesting that the person he hurt was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time as he sings, in what is a real low point of the track, “I didn’t mean to make you so sad / You just happened to be there, that’s all.”
It’s the kind of song that could put someone in fight or flight mode. For those who have had the misfortune of dealing with a man like this in the past, it’s a brutal reliving of arguments where you might as well be talking to a brick wall with no awareness of his actions and no willingness to accept his wrongdoing. He’s apologising in the most loose, meaningless phrases imaginable but then instantly denying the blame, singing that this was all an inevitability and claiming that “sooner or later” the hurt part would understand that.
By 1966, Dylan had a lot to be apologising for. In November 1965, amid a fling with Edie Sedgwick and an ongoing will-they-won’t-they love affair with Joan Baez, he married Sara Lownds behind both their backs. For both, the revelation was devastating, prompting Baez to write ‘Diamonds and Rust’ about Dylan’s emotional cruelty and worsening Sedgwick’s struggles.
Dylan’s response of “I never really meant to do you any harm” as a loose token of apology amid a song that certainly only made the wounds worse is one of the most staggering cases of emotional stupidity caught on tape.
So for anyone looking to put that final nail in the coffin of their relationship, welcome to the Bob Dylan school of insensitivity. But for people looking avoid making their exes hate their guts, this is a good guide of exactly how not to act.
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