The atrocious 1995 movie that was almost an ‘Indiana Jones’ sequel: “If it looks fake, you’re dead”
While there have been five Indiana Jones movies, there really only should have been three, but the number of abandoned ideas pitched at Steven Spielberg and George Lucas runs well into double figures.
Between the conclusion of the original trilogy in The Last Crusade and the release of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull two decades later, Spielberg and Lucas never abandoned hope of bringing the fedora-wearing and whip-cracking icon back to the big screen.
As for Harrison Ford, he was contractually obliged, having signed a four-picture deal before Raiders of the Lost Ark. On the plus side, he’s always given off the impression that Indy is his favourite and most cherished role that he’s ever played, so it’s not like he was being forced back into the fold.
Jeb Stuart, M Night Shyamalan, Frank Darabont, Jeff Nathanson, and countless other screenwriters were enlisted at various points between the third and fourth films, conjuring ideas that covered Atlantis, Joseph Stalin, and various other MacGuffins, but before the character had even made his second big-screen appearance, he was almost shoehorned into what would become one the worst movies of 1995.
Thanks to Jurassic Park, its sequel, The Lost World, and the long-running medical drama, ER, Spielberg and Michael Crichton were obviously no strangers. The author was popular as a Hollywood pipeline for a while, and in the early 1980s, according to biographer John Baxter, he suggested that his novel Congo would work as an Indiana Jones adventure.
The sci-fi tome had originally been pitched by Spielberg as a vehicle for Brian De Palma to direct, but when that went nowhere, Crichton pointed out that a baby gorilla that was given the power to speak through a computer mounted to its back, had the potential to be a perfect sidekick for Ford’s hero.
“Steven thought it could be done with a talking ape,” the scribe recalled. “But I said that you can do that with ET, because we’ve never seen anything like him, but everyone knows what a gorilla looks like, and if it looks fake, you’re dead. It’s in every scene.”
Countering, Spielberg told Crichton, “Well, I’ve had a lot of success with mechanical animals,” which was true, but Indy teaming up with a talking gorilla? That sounds ridiculous, and not in a good way. Based on how the Congo adaptation eventually turned out, it was well and truly a bullet dodged.
Regular Spielberg collaborator Frank Marshall’s flick was nominated for seven Razzies, and as much as it’s enjoyed a cult resurgence, thanks largely to the way Delroy Lindo says, “Stop eating my sesame cake,” and the third act finale involves a hardy band of heroes mowing down angry gorillas with a laser beam, an Indiana Jones movie? Fuck right off.
