The actor who called Madonna a “movie killer” and said she “cannot act her way out of a paper bag”
Cinema was graciously spared from any further atrocities when Madonna did the world a favour and confirmed that her days of pursuing an acting career were over, leaving precisely zero people devastated that she’d never again be caught stinking up the big screen.
That might scan as harsh, but can anyone say with a straight face that the ‘Queen of Pop’ was even a halfway decent actor? Admittedly, she’s a Golden Globe-winning performer, and she didn’t suck in Evita, but it definitely helped that so much of the film was reliant on her prowess as a vocalist, not a dramatist.
Beyond that, performances that aren’t crap are few and far between. This is a nine-time Razzie winner, no less, who the ceremony celebrating the worst that Hollywood has to offer decided was the one and only worthy recipient of the ‘Worst Actress of the Century’ prize, a trophy comprising every single feature film that had been made and released between 1900 and 1999.
Debra Winger even quit A League of Their Own after finding out she’d been cast, despite having spent three months training for her role. She took a stand against Madonna bringing the ensemble down a notch or two, but even that bold move was nothing compared to the verbal annihilation the legendary pop star received from Patti LuPone.
If anyone is allowed to comment on how well others have fared in the arena of musical theatre, then LuPone is right up there. She’s been treading the boards and belting out the tunes since the early 1970s, played several roles that have become iconic staples of the stage musical, and won three Tonys and two Olivier Awards from a combined total of 11 nominations.
LuPone was the first person to play Eva Perón on Broadway when Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s musical made its way Stateside in 1979, and when she was asked to offer her thoughts on Madonna’s turn as the Argentinian first lady during an appearance on Watch What Happens, she didn’t hold back: “I thought it was a piece of shit.”
She’s never been one for beating around the bush, and the famously outspoken stage icon continued scorching the earth around Madge’s abilities: “Madonna is a movie killer,” she said. “She’s dead behind the eyes, she cannot act her way out of a paper bag, she should not be in film or on stage.”
“I’ve seen her onstage and I saw her in a movie, and I went, ‘Um… OK,'” she elaborated, doubling down on her disdain and bringing another untalented hack into the equation for good measure. “There are just some things that people can’t do, and you’ve just got to admit you can’t do it, that’s all. Or don’t even try it. Everybody can’t do anything. Like Kim fucking Kardashian.” Needless to say, she’s not a fan of either.
When LuPone was a guest on Hot Ones, she was faced with two options: either issue an apology to Madonna for her comments or eat the spiciest chicken wing available. Naturally, she glared directly into the camera and took a huge bite out of the wing.
