There are few men on the planet equipped to select a range of horror films like Rob Zombie. The noted director struggled his way up the ladder to become Hollywood’s creepiest filmmaker, and with a roll call of horrifying flicks under his belt, then what he says about the genre usually stands the test of time. Over the years, this has made him the go-to voice when creating an essential watching list.
Jump scares, blood, gore, and the paranormal is where Rob Zombie finds his happy place. An auteur in his own right, what Zombie hasn’t endlessly sat through and enjoyed when it comes to horror movies simply isn’t worth paying attention to. But, while that’s all well and good for the genre’s best moments, what are the horror movies he absolutely hates?
Luckily, we can bring you a list of five horror movies Rob Zombie hates from his conversation with Revolver so that you don’t have to watch them and endure the needless cliches and unbearable commercial flops. But, as with every set of terrible films, there is a slight desire to peek behind the curtain and see just how heinously bad they are. Please heed our warning; these films are not worth your time.
First up on Zombie’s list is a film so drenched in desperation to cash in that it feels as sticky and sickly as the corn syrup they used for blood. Trying to take on the name Dracula without adding even a hint of subtle danger is exactly why people try to copyright timeless figures. “This may be the worst movie ever committed to film,” confirms Zombie about Dracula 2000. “I found every single thing about it to be offensive, from top to bottom. You just stare at it in shock. I especially hate the fact they drop a Virgin Megastore product placement in the film every 10 seconds. It’s just the most disgusting piece of shit I’ve ever seen.”
Zombie continues with his damning assessment: “Dracula is a tough character to play, you’ve got to really bring something to the table, and I don’t even remember the guy in this movie. Everything about this movie is complete horse shit.”
A tough act to follow in regards to the worst horror films ever, but luckily Zombie’s encyclopaedic knowledge won’t let us down. He also selects the equally terrible (though perhaps questionable as a “horror movie”) Mummy Returns from 2001, starring Brendan Fraser. After admitting he can’t really dissect exactly why the film is terrible, Zombie explains that’s because “I couldn’t get all the way through it. That, to me, is a sign of a bad movie.” It’s hard to argue with that logic.
Now, before you get all huffy, please note the date of this next entry. Zombie picks out Psycho as one of the worst horror films of all time. But not Alfred Hitchcock’s timeless masterpiece from 1960 but the ludicrous remake from 1998. “I picked this not because it’s the worst film ever made, but because it’s the most pointless film ever made. To take a perfect movie made by a genius and remake it — that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
The final two selections come from the same crop of desperate teen-horror movies created in the late nineties. You know the type: pitting 30-year-old “teens” against a knife-wielding, bloodthirsty monster of a man who is seemingly able to take blows to the head like a nail and is only slowed down by garden chairs and other unruly apparatus. Taking its place on Zombie’s list is Scream 2, or is it Scream 3: “When I saw Scream 2 on TV, I just hated it. Though it could have been Scream 3, I can’t remember which one it was, and that’s never a good sign. So I just decided it was Scream 2.”
Finally, completing the list of absolutely awful horror movies is I Know What You Did Last Summer about which Zombie says: “Once again, dopey teen actors being menaced by … what? The Morton’s Fisherman guy? That’s not a horror movie; that’s barely a Nancy Drew mystery. Jennifer Love Hewitt would have to be riding on a pony stark naked to make this worthwhile.”
A complete list of horror films not to watch from one of the genre’s most celebrated voices. If you don’t listen to Rob Zombie about which movie to watch then, we all may as well give up now.
Rob Zombie’s picks 5 worst horror films ever made:
- Dracula 2000 (2000)
- Mummy Returns (2001)
- Psycho (1998)
- Scream 2 (1997)
- I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)