So, apart from being the best headline I have ever written, Randy Newman’s proclamation that he has written a song about the genitalia of the orange one has kept us amused all day long. The track will not feature on his upcoming album however.

The new album, due for release in August and his first in nine years, will feature songs about the ever-shirtless Russian leader, unambiguously titled ‘Putin’, and a track about the Blues sing Sonny Boy Williamson, again originally titled ‘Sonny Boy’. Sadly though, what will not be featured is his unreleased track about President Trump’s (we imagine ‘mangled’) dick.

He said of the pushed aside track “the language was too vulgar. It felt too easy.” He continues, “I just didn’t want to add to the problem of how ugly the conversation we’re all having is, so I didn’t put it out.” But by the grace of God, he did quote us a verse.

My dick’s bigger than your dick
It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true
My dick’s bigger than your dick
I can prove it too
There it is! There’s my dick
Isn’t that a wonderful sight?
Run to the village, to town, to the countryside
Tell the people what you’ve seen here tonight

The chorus? “‘What a dick!’ Duh-duh-duh. ‘What a dick!”

We know how much Trump loves to be embarrassed so expect to see Newman on Guantanamo Bay very soon.

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